Minister Accepted Half Jar of Homemade Salsa Dip for Whole of New Zealand

There's a whole bunch of things that make New Zealand an embarrassing place to live. Or think about. Or hear about. Or see on a map. Like that thing we do when ever some other country acknowledges us briefly by making a film here or tolerating one of our bland musicians (the thing we do is called collectively pissing our pants). Or how we shuffle around drunkenly, trying to convince people that we can fix stuff with fencing wire when no one cares because, well, who possibly could?

Worst of all though has to be our pathetic political scandals. There was this guy, who leveraged his position of power in parliament as an associate cabinet minister to STEAL FROM AND SEX UP EVERYONE IN THE MOUTH- get someone to help paint his house . Yeah. He also turned his carport into SOMETHING COOL LIKE A NUCLEAR a garage. That is what you call a failure of imagination. Start a hilarious resource war. Kill 1000 hookers. DON'T get some dude to do your bathroom tiles for free. That shit makes us ALL look bad.

The most recent example is Dunne - a party leader and in the cabinet for real like a proper politician. Now I don't claim to have actually read anything about this (in fact, I claim the exact opposite). But basically what happened is this guy, who gets to do laws and drive in limos and stuff, is now mired in a shocking FIVE THOUSAND DOLLAR scam. $5000. New Zealand dollars. The most unappealing of the dollar-denominated currencies.

Now I'm not sure what exactly is going on here. But I guess we need to pay these people a lot more money. I mean, if we're going to be ruled by these clowns we might as well spare ourselves the collective indignity of watching them whore themselves out for free car-wash tokens and cut rate double glazing.

Anyway, the house painting thing was when I basically gave up on New Zealand news. Wake me when someone rich kills someone. Or that Jesus guy finishes his walled city.