For your average tourist (stoned, whore-mongering European) dealing with a vending machine is a lot less complicated than conversing with the Dutch, which is why these fast food arrays get 4/5 bones for taste, value and convenience.
UPDATE: Turns out this is how your great-grandfather got his munch on when he was out whoring in European cities: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Automat
It would seem that we are in the twilight of the Automat era.
Just returned from Taupo, a land littered with swimming spots so awesome that it's all God can do not to shtup them in the face every night. There are MANY FASCINATING reports coming soon (the ducks, the local bullies, the map so shoddy and inconsistent that my eyes super-suicided...). Basically this is just to let everyone know that while they were stuck doing whatever shit they were doing I was floating around like a poncy duck.
Holidaycast Over.
This post is INFINITY years over due: I've been busy picking out a sweet cardboard box and rag combo for my probable return to the glamourous world of homelessness. Who's to blame? Immigrants. I'll explain later.
The purpose of this post was to review a recent lunch which I was able to cause by leveraging my position as a media thought leader. After dropping a few hundred thousand cyber-hints someone finally made me pancakes. With maple syrup, bacon and banana.
The food was good. Coffee pretty average. Bonus points were awarded for hiding the bacon and banana pieces under a top "lid pancake". Entertainment was supplied by some neighbours' domestic dispute and my own anxious bitch-whimpering over how many thousands of houses I was going to have to evict everyone's mothers from. Overall I'll give it three golden spoons.
No one knows the exact origin of pancakes because some dick claimed he invented them once in an effort to impress this relative who he barely knew, at the reception for his stepbrother's wedding. And even though everyone knew that he was totally lying no one had the heart to challenge his story. Then the actual inventor did the same exact thing, at a different family function.
Once this happened, like in so many cartoons, no one knew which was the impostor and which the true breakfast innovator. Everyone just waited to see which of the pair would die first. When the war happened everyone stopped paying attention, which was basically the absolute worst time to do that. Both contenders died. Well that's 20-40 seconds of your life that you can't get back.
Bonus History:
Did you know pancake-type foods were eaten by ancient people? They were quite a bit different to the ones we all eat now.Some of the larger pancakes were worshipped. This was before people just started making up gods and taking tradespeople's word for shit - basically if you weren't worshipping the most kick-ass thing in plain sight at that exact moment (the sun, a virgin, some cool rocks) then people considered you a total retard.
In medieval Europe pancakes were eaten in the town chapel, that being the only building with no hungry dogs in it.At least one loyal reader has become concerned that recent posts have marked a blog-turn from surreal and over-caffeinated to completely unhinged, and possibly very very sad. This has given birth to a cutting-edge game-changing series of posts on uncomplicated joy. These will tend to involve detailed discussions of home made bread and delicious cured meats... prosciutto... cecina... pancetta... chouriço... it's all a journey. There will also be stuff to do with swimming.
Obviously this is just an introduction. The series will begin in earnest later in the week. But in the meantime here's a turtle bothering a cat, x2, and a kid watching it.
