Union Does Something

Someone's getting kicked around for real for something to do with this moderately sweet video.

On a separate note I have to say how much I really can't stand the branding of "college humour". It's... a website of videos that people who go to the colleges find humurours... oh no I pissed my college pants... because of all the fucking humour.

What it also illustrates is the hilarious rotting away of everyday professionalism. They went to one of the more important US congressmen (he sits on Ways and Means... the money committee) for a statement on something and the guy, presumably sitting in his boxers in a tangle of ethernet cable and muffin crumbs, says to himself "fuck I don't know man... hey have you seen this link though?". He also serves on the congressional taskforce for terrorism and unconventional warfare. Bye.

Bacon News: INTERNETINTERNETINTERNET

Via Some Intern: Bacon Salt exists, and is probably delicious. VC money came via a funniest home videos win. Their company will fail, because of recessinomics. Anyway there's a whole world of bacon related stuff out there, most of which serves no purpose other than to highlight how much more awesome the US is than whatever cringing bitch-nation you happen to live in. Also it can be used to troll the religious. Anyway here is Kevin Bacon.

I know this is all crap. But that's the Dark Side of the NEW DAWN.

Semi-Liveblogging Air New Zealand Flight NZ481 to Christchurch

7:32 They made me switch off my sack of gravel during takeoff. It doesn’t even have wifi. Too tired to argue.

7:34 Lifejaket. Lolgoodluck. Nervous magazine flicking intensifies. Magazine is nothing but ads and culturally patronising photo-essays.

7:42 Futuristic air-waitress slacks surprisingly ass-hugging.

7:50 I knew there was free booze. And chips. The lumpenproletarian flying fox the rest of you people are riding is ripping you off.

7:51 They should rename this thing the no-masturbation-express.

7:56 Na the original name is fine.

7:57 Arbitrary seatbelt-light madness begins.

7:58 Economy class syndrome.

8:02 Instead of actual content inflight broadcast consists entirely of slowly scrolling general knowledge quiz questions. It’s like you’ve been trapped in the garden-bar of some dystopian future. On a Thursday. And there's a $100 bar tab up for grabs. Liveblog over.

An Important Announcement

For the next few months my postings to this site will be reduced down and split between two basic streams: summaries of things that I have eaten, and pitches for new TV shows.

With that out of the way, it's straight down to business. Added a whole load of parmesan to some chilli-beans and mince. That was awesome. Been poaching a hell of a lot of eggs. Ignore all the hype regarding vinegar and swirling vortexes and any other such over-engineered non-sense: if you're poaching eggs then you're already living on the edge. In other words: fuck science.

Next I think there should be a reality show called Race To The Bottom where newly arrived immigrants to a western nation are separated out into cliques who then savagely ridicule the languages, dress, religious traditions and cooking of every other group. It will be regularly implied that someone amongst each group is carrying a highly infectious disease. God I'd be all over that show.

Monsieur Clyne, A Tale of Undersea Woe: An Introduction

The history of western medicine is riddled with eccentric old gents who blew their research grants prodding wealthy young women on the boobs with magnets. Dr. Clyne was not one of those characters. For him the inky depths of the Atlantic ocean was, like, four hot gullible heiresses. All quivering with unexplained nervous disorders. And the majestic squid was like 8. All with attention starved, novelty hungry, mothers.

These will be his stories....

H0LDIN_HNZ @ CPIXEL.COM

Found this site. It's some sort of dating network designed exclusively for and by retards (yet hosted in China. Someone over there is playing a trick on our most vulnerable and dim-witted crackers). Also this girl killed her mum. So yeah. There's a lot of awesome things about this site.

It also lists people's IP addresses next to their comments. I'm pretty sure that's a security no no. Actually that's a pretty awesome feature, as at least that will be useful to someone somewhere. The rest of the site is just completely fucking insane. When I signed up it helpfully notified me that:

Your Email has been confirmed under: haveababyforyou@gmail.com

"_" "A-Z" "0-9" are all valid characters for Usernames.

can't think of a name? here's some that are still available:

rapebait, shills, painseeker, femaled, lost_n_fucked, ASSummed, ASSumptions, ASSSidental, ASSSCASST, AZZKAZT, ServixServis, verbalBitch, concocted, visual, clitical, cliterature, Clitt_Notes, Sexceptional, RESEXnLUNCH, rugBurned, onallFours, KANDIKAME, floorclothesMe, preMade, scepter, wounded, synamyn, vacantpussy, wombed, katalyst, miss_treated, cornerwhore, xuout, sayAWWWWWW, sourHunny, diss_miss, molten_heart, Sir_PlusHoez, Sir_Real, SICK_MY_DUCK ok that's plenty

You read that first one right. The original list was actually a lot longer. When you friend someone it says "awww shiiiet... mz_ny_626 is gon be rollin' w/ you, as a homey!". Which is pretty sweet. And when you sign up it warns you that:

EMail: haveababyforyou@gmail.com

read all of this very fuckin' carefully

your request to create an account is bein' reviewed... if we feel you're signin' up to do some BULLSHIT.. or.. if ur usin' some BOGUS pic... or if you have a history of being a fuckin' IDIOT... your request for an account, won't get past this step. once your account has been verified or denied, you'll get an email...

Of course I wouldn't dream of using a bogus anything with these crazy Chinese gangster-webmasters on my case, throwing my IP address around and generally doing my skull with their futuristic grammar. Anyway if you like grainy photos of world-weary young women in tank tops, and REALLY REALLY hate vowels, then this is the site for you.

Be sure to friend me. I'm the dude with the boss craft-knife and three iPhones.

Tech time...

oh hi, have you's heard about the latest search engine? cuil (pronounced cool), it's supposed to be taking on google, well at least be a competitor. i hear it's run by ex-google employees along with other ex-employees of large internets companys (ibm, paypal). it's main point of difference is that it catogourizes your search into different parts. it also has a sleek black design (which might help you searh faster). but, if they can't even find "haveababyforyou" on the internets, then they don't get my respect.