Old Video Features Terrifying Military Robot

I know this is old. But it's also terrifying. This thing will soon be enforcing copyright takedown notices in the recessapocalyptic wasteland to come, burning your children's faces off with lasers before "settling" out of court for 50 carbon-credits, the only currency remaining. Also we will eat pills instead of bacon. Other foods will be much the same.

Fish New Humans

You would have to be a complete idiot not to have noticed that fish everywhere are making some sort of play at us.

Exhibit one: That picture above? That's a bunch of angry ASSERTIVE carp swarming around man's best friend in an attempt to rob her of her precious eggy centre.

Exhibit two: The made-up show-off of the fish world - the pink dolphin - has appeared somewhere in the US. "I just happened to see a little pod of dolphins, and I noticed one that was a little lighter. It was absolutely stunningly pink." The person who said that is now in a special morgue for crazy people. (Before someone embarrasses themselves: Dolphins ARE fish.)

Final thing: A fish with a HUMAN FACE. Yeah. A FACE OF AN ACTUAL FUCKING HUMAN.

That's right. Three links from the telegraph. Fish.

Person ReLinks to Thing

Remember this war? Where someone had us on their blogroll and then they didn't? Well WE ARE BACK.

From memory this honour - which drives about as much traffic as that tattoo my dad got - is given out for courageously Wire-heavy coverage of local scandals.

Staff: If any of you have any family, or a SO, this is probably the time to tell them that you are secret journalists.

Interns, Warblogging, and the Fate That Awaits Us

The war, lost before it even really began, haunts me as I stagger through the corridors of parliament: the select committee meeting is already closed. The walls are slippery some strange condensation; produced by the slow and rising broil of collective failure, it tastes a little like this blog. It dampens the back of my shirt as I crouch low against it. The carpet is also not very good for some reason.

How did we get here? Interns. Bland pictureless mindholes punctuated with charmless slang, their posts paw affectlessly at the eyes. And the eyes themselves? Damaged in the simple act of tracing characters so haphazardly collected, they revolt.

There is no haiku with which to fire you all.

Slaps to the Face

See that blogroll? HAB4U used to be in that blogroll. Now we aren't. This is the site, and it sucks all the dicks. I promised a war that no one would notice, and here it is.

The war will involve:

a) Exaggerating the amount of times 'trips' have been 'dipped'.

b) That is all.