Hab4U DevCamp Meet-Along 2009

It's happening. Probably this Sunday. Anyone interested should drop a line. For those too fucking lazy to skype in there will naturally be a comprehensive live-blog of the outcome. What might that outcome look like? A new site-design work-flow code super-roadway.

If you're an advertiser, then you should pull your kids out of their dubious private school and sell them to the mongrel mob. Because our CPMs will bankrupt you. If you're an investor, then you just tripled your carbon footprint, increased your height slightly, and gave your family a decent reason to mask their contempt for you. This is your time. But you'll probably fuck it up. See you there.

The Future Will Be This Place Being An Irresistible Web-Place

Blogvigoration? How about we just out-blog the whole concept of the internet? What we're going to do is that one. The futuristic game changing one.

So fuck the things you believe in and care about right now. They will not sustain you.

In other words HAB4U is going into some sort of futuristic development zone from which it will someday emerge with some of the following things: not being google-powered... and having USER-GENERATED SOCIAL NETWORKZ E L E M E N T S and so much javascript and PHP, which I wont be writing, that you will see things working before they are even clicked.

Clickthrough. Clickjacking. Clicksnapback. Remember how facebook changed and everyone cried their stupid squinty eyes out, as if a slight site redesign is the worst thing a soulless corporation with all your personal photos and shit can do to you? I don't. But this will be like that.

PS: Can someone give our banner an "alpha" or "beta" or whichever one it is when it's not done yet?

This Blog's Recession Solved by Time and Feelings

Things will now be as they always have been and always should be. Time itself is a kludgey index of the vector of these posts. You have all always been welcome.

Interns, Warblogging, and the Fate That Awaits Us

The war, lost before it even really began, haunts me as I stagger through the corridors of parliament: the select committee meeting is already closed. The walls are slippery some strange condensation; produced by the slow and rising broil of collective failure, it tastes a little like this blog. It dampens the back of my shirt as I crouch low against it. The carpet is also not very good for some reason.

How did we get here? Interns. Bland pictureless mindholes punctuated with charmless slang, their posts paw affectlessly at the eyes. And the eyes themselves? Damaged in the simple act of tracing characters so haphazardly collected, they revolt.

There is no haiku with which to fire you all.

Coming Soon: Other Stuff in the Sidebar

A key element of any dawn worth the adjective 'new' has to be some new stuff for the sidebar. So coming soon: new stuff for the sidebar? Also: why, of all the tags, would you get a line break on your elbow? Web nerds weigh in.

Banners are the Thing You Do Now

Adding fuel to the already fast-burning-intern-and-forced-capitalised-title sun which is the NEW DAWN there is also another thing: If anyone sends in a banner it will become The Banner. For a while. Or not at all if it sucks. Just like giving people writing jobs that they didn't ask for and which pay no money, banners is another word for ending recessions for ever.

Interns Interns Interns

Oh yeah did I mention that there's a NEW DAWN going on here? So don't pick on the interns. Did you know this counts as performance art? Which counts towards my community service? This is how you end recessions people.

Who What and How?

I got an invite to contribute to the blog this morning. I will be completely honest. I have no idea who the people writing on this blog are. I'm about as confused as the rest of you as to why I, of all people, have been asked to contribute. But I do take it as a compliment. (Hopefully this doesn't make me sound ungrateful.)

As to what I will write about, I frankly do not know. On my 2 other blogs, I write about my attempts to do creative things and my shut-in-esque life living in Stockholm. I guess I'll go ponder a bit and come back when I have something to say.

--souvenir kattunge (space intern)

Is This a Thing People Would Enjoy?

So is this how it should be now? Post up things that mildly interested me whenever I can be bothered? Even if it's something I saw on some other site? Maybe. Here's a thing:

Dancing mania was a social phenomenon that occurred primarily in mainland Europe between the 14th and 18th centuries; it involved groups of people, sometimes thousands at a time, who danced uncontrollably and bizarrely, seemingly possessed by the devil. Men, women, and children would dance through the streets of towns or cities, sometimes foaming at the mouth until they collapsed from fatigue.

Interesting Stuff. Also, how fucked off am I going to be when someone else gets in and registers this before me:

NEW DAWN Haults in the Face of Rampant Google Sabotage

Right now everything I do on any site that has anything to do with google, except google, is hanging and jumping and stalling and taking fucking YEARZ. It's almost like Telecom NZ is TRAFFIC SHAPING MY GOOGLE STUFF. And trust me, you wont be reading that in the toothless, cowering, rimfest known as any and every New Zealand tech blog ever.

The whole situation got me wound up enough that I made the following comment on someone's youtube video:

oh jesus christ are those beards on one of your faces? or just shit? because if beards then there is no hope for your souls. like, if you could have any non-troll part of this at an age where you can produce pubes of any sort then you are just waaay waaaaay too fucked to even imagine living. so kill yourself.

As you can see, I'm kind of proud of that one. With that off my chest I descended into the bowel of the internet. But all I found was Boxxy. Jesus.

POSTS POSTS POSTS, or a new dawn?

With a new year upon us it's time for questions about blogs, namely this one. There have been a bunch of angry rumblings about there never being enough posts. Why are there not more? One reason is because they are hard to do because some of us write long sentences and it's easy to forget what was at the start of them by the time you get towards the end. I assume doing pictures and stuff takes ages as well.

But mainly there is the pressure. The pressure to not write something a million times shitter than the thing someone else did just before you is intense. I can actually feel it lowering my sperm count as I type.

Problems with this: Everything anyone has ever done is complete shit, and all anyone wants from a blog is to see new posts and to click on them and write swear words in the comments. People are basically rodents. At least when it comes to reading.

So for all these reasons and more, I'm pretty close to DECLARING A NEW AGE OF THIS BLOG which no one will listen to. It would involve MORE POSTS, and heaps of wars with other shit New Zealand blogs. And more contributors why not. Like actual retards. If all goes well it would be like kissing an Obama and realising he actually meant it. Like, fuck, he's actually going to marry me. I can finally have nice things.

Problems with this: You end up talking about things that you saw on other sites, doing posts about posts about posts, except shitter than other people who do that, because they're better than you. This leaves you in the humiliating position of being part of the 'blogosphere', which is people who fuck dogs.

Discuss.