Pissing in the street

So the recession has obviously hit this blog.... hard... fucking hard. We need more posts people... so I'm not going to apologise for the lateness of this foreign correspondence. Anyways, turns out the Dutch just piss all over the place... in the street... in front of everyone. There are no doors on that baby.

Phantom Expander: The Formative Years?

I have managed to unearth this footage.  It seems to have been filmed in Christchurch but I'm fairly sure that the offender originally hails from Blenheim.

Clue?  I think so.

Watch it

It's funny because they say fuck and cocksucker alot.

Mt. Ruapehu Cops...

... they ain't that smart.

Great Moments in Redneck Science

Quite clearly a Nobel contender. Listen right to the end for an extra dose of comedy.

Found by Dave.

Home Safety Tips

UPDATE: I bet this guy has two or three of these.

Case Closed, Great Job

I was going to enlist the help of our very own realgoddamnmurderpolice, P. Wolf, to crack the case of the missing Tim & Eric post. But all that was needed was a little investigative journalism HAB4U style. It would seem that Google has been fucking with our shit, removing copyrighted content and generally acting like some kind of over-zealous, power tripping prefect telling you to pull up your socks and demanding a lunch pass.

Introducing the TURDUCKEN

The hallmark of a great civilization... Emancipation? Universal suffrage? Indoor plumbing? Freedom of speech?I used to think it might be one of those. That was until I laid my eyes on the TURDUCKEN:

Yes, that is a chicken, in a duck, in a turkey.

You know that you're living in a great age when the average citizen can mail order one of these bad boys over the Internet.

Extra points go to the French for taking it to the next level. Perhaps the only way to beat that would be a sparrow, stuffed in a kiwi, stuffed in a puppy, stuffed in a dog, stuffed in a dolphin.

Watch this...

So you like Red Dwarf.

Did you not realise that it's British? And lame?

If you are hankering for some kind of sci-fi-spaceship-roaming-the-universe-type-sit-com then you should probably watch Lexx. Pros: It features a delightful half-worm women who wants to fuck a dead guy, and in one episode a hologram of Tim Curry tries to impregnate everyone with a machine. Cons: No drinking murder police style. Torrent here.

A New Kind of Science

Stephen Wolfram was a child prodigy who made a shit load of cash from developing a program that will do your math home work for you. But instead of blowing all of his cash on hookers and blow like any self-respecting engineer, he decided to write some bullshit book about how even the most simple things are as complicated as fuck and that the universe is actually some kind of giant 2 dimensional black and white XOR statement or something.

Anyway... this post isn't actually about that loon... it's a plug for this site. The segway being this virtualization of Wolfram's cellular automata crap.

Some of you may know the site's creator as the guy holding the cabbage... some of you went to his party and criticized his crappy art purchases... the rest of you should check out the cool apps and flash (with source)...

Pro Tip: don't use an inferior operating system if you want to dazzle the hell out of your cohabitators with an awesome screen saver.

Mystery Solved

With all the recent Darwin vs. God controversy, you may have been asking yourself: What came first, the chicken, or the egg?

Well, that's actually a trick question. Because it was quite clearly the CAN.

Watch this...

I thought that Jeremy Wells and his EML show was fairly fresh. Turns out I was full of shit and that those limey barstards beat us to it over 9000 years ago.

Torrent here. I'd be seeding this if I wasn't so fucking afraid of Judith Tizzard.

Memorandum

[EDIT:

Since when did interns write up long rambling official looking memos? Anyone who thinks that will fly here really has no idea how much of a dick I am. Nice tar pic though.

/EDIT]

Interns, Warblogging, and the Fate That Awaits Us

The war, lost before it even really began, haunts me as I stagger through the corridors of parliament: the select committee meeting is already closed. The walls are slippery some strange condensation; produced by the slow and rising broil of collective failure, it tastes a little like this blog. It dampens the back of my shirt as I crouch low against it. The carpet is also not very good for some reason.

How did we get here? Interns. Bland pictureless mindholes punctuated with charmless slang, their posts paw affectlessly at the eyes. And the eyes themselves? Damaged in the simple act of tracing characters so haphazardly collected, they revolt.

There is no haiku with which to fire you all.

Ready to snap soon

I'm trying to get some homework done and I'm just about ready to throw Ull out the balcony. He won't shut the hell up. Do you have any idea how hard it is to try to write stuff in a foreign language and have a cat howling away at nothing? To top it all off, the two of them have been running around the flat meowing on top of their lungs. At least with children you can tell them to sit down and shut the hell up and they would understand. Cats... no... you just have to try to ignore it.

Sunday afternoon with the cats

Ull does this thing that's the equivalent to thumb sucking. He sucks on our fingers for comfort. It was strange at first but we're used to it and he gets comforted.

I've noticed that lately he does it less often. He usually wakes me up with a cuddle and finger sucking. Sounds a bit perverted but I assure you, it is not.

Maybe it has to do with Milo. Maybe he's "growing up".

Sibling issues

Milo isn't particularly cuddly but when he is, it's quite nice.

Usually it starts with Ull. He'd be on our lap, getting some scratches and a little nose rubbing. Then Milo would get lonely and want to join in and rub up against Ull.

If this started out on Fredrik's lap, Ull would just lie there and fall asleep with Milo.

But for some reason, when it's on my lap, Ull gets really upset. He'll get really irritated and run off to sulk.

Could this cabbage cure the cancer that is killing HAB4U?

Global warming, bee colony collapse, Tiki Tane, the recession... the world is truly fucked and you are all going to die.

But poor, honeyless, sweat soaked deaths aside - we have bigger things to worry about people. Namely: what the fuck should we do with this GIANT CABBAGE?

Suggestions please.

Watching You While You Poop

I own 2 cats. Our oldest cat, Ull likes to sit on the shelf we have in our bathroom that's diagonally situated from the toilet. Sometimes he likes to stare at you while you poo. The look he often gives you is one of absolute disgust.

I'm guessing that maybe that's the look cats give to other cats when they see one in the act of relief. That or it's only reserved for us and our disgusting way of taking a dump.

Do black people have whiter teeth?

Once upon a time in Hong Kong, there was a brand of toothpaste called, "Darkie". To top it all off, their logo featured a picture of a minstrel. I guess they realized in the 90's that it was a bad idea to keep the name "Darkie", so they changed it to "Darlie".

The brand name in Chinese still translates to, "Black Man Toothpaste".